Comprehensive Guide to Relationship Counselling in 2023
Feb 04, 2023
All you have ever wanted to know about relationship counselling, what it involves, strategies you can use, if it is for you or not, when to have counselling and can counselling heal a broken relationship plus more.
"The quality of your life is based upon the quality of your relationships"-Tony Robbins.
It is my firm beliefs that relationships are the single most important thing we have as humans. Whether that be the relationship with your family, friends, children or partner it does not matter they are all important and deserve our time, love and attention!
This is why I have put together my comprehensive relationship counselling guide for 2023. It is full of strategies, resources, actions and insights to assist you to move forward in your relationship.
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What is relationship counselling?
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What does relationship counselling do?
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Who needs relationship counselling?
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Can relationship counselling heal a broken relationship?
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When should you see a relationship counsellor?
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How can you save your relationship?
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What is the best therapy for relationship problems?
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What is the difference between relationship counselling and marriage counselling?
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What if only one person in the relationship is wanting or willing to receive counselling?
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Do both partners need to participate in the counselling sessions to get a benefit?
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Where do you find a relationship counsellor?
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Does relationship counselling focus on improving communication between two people?
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How do I help my partner feel loved?
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Does relationship counselling work on connecting more deeply with your partner?
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We are experiencing financial stress as a couple. Is this something that can be addressed in relationship counselling?
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Does relationship counselling address family issues such as in laws or blended families?
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Do you get the same result in person as online?
What is relationship counselling?
Relationship counselling is where you work through stress, anxiety, fear, frustrations or challenges surrounding your relationships. You work either individually or with your partner (or a mix of both) to move through challenges, move to a healthy emotional state and learn strategies and solutions to current relationship issues.
Couples also work to proactively deepen their connection, intimacy, love and joy in their relationship.
What does relationship counselling do?
Relationship counselling helps you relate to others in a better way. Relationship counsellors help you to identify limiting beliefs, patterns or issues surrounding your relationships and assist you to move forward in a positive and productive way.
Who needs relationship counselling?
Relationship counselling can be utilised in the following situations (but not limited to);
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After a break-up or divorce.
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Navigating blended families.
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Mending a broken relationship.
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Up-level or heal the current relationship you have.
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Increasing the intimacy, passion, love and connection you have in a relationship.
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Healing the relationship you have with yourself.
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Healing the relationship you have with your mother, brother, sister, children etc.
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To re-connect you and your partner.
Read more on the benefits of relationship counselling here.
Can relationship counselling heal a broken relationship?
Relationship counselling can assist to mend a broken relationship however, this is always up to the individuals in the relationship. Sometimes it does work and sometimes it does not.
Relationship counselling can assist people to have a healthy and civil break up where you can reflect on what did and did not work during your relationship and learn from this experience. Relationship counsellors can help you work through grief and assist you with strategies to heal.
When should you see a relationship counsellor?
There are many reasons people see a relationship counsellor and there is no right or wrong time. Some seek the guidance of a counsellor when things are not working in their relationship and they want to fix or enhance that relationship. Others see relationship counsellors when they are almost at breaking point and look to mend the relationship.
Other people see a relationship counsellor proactively, meaning there is nothing 'wrong' per say however, they take the time out of the busyness of everyday life to speak openly and honestly to one another and work on ways to deepen their love, connect, communication, trust or intimacy.
How can you save your relationship?
First and foremost the answer is to always work on yourself first to ensure you are in a good head space and therefore able to make good decisions. From this place there are many different tips and strategies to assist you to both fight smarter and love deeper. It is important for you to take the time to understand you, your emotions and your thoughts first.
Then you may or may not save the relationship depending on joint decisions and what is best for both parties however, the goal is always to keep couples together if it is the right thing for both people.
What is the best therapy for relationship problems?
The best therapy is always an individual targeted approach. This way it is tailored specifically to what you and your partner are trying to achieve and your individual circumstances. Our lives are all different and filled with different complexities therefore, it must be an individualised approach because you are unique.
I use many different techniques, therapies, strategies and actions to shift challenges you may be facing and to help you both create a loving and connected relationship.
What is the difference between relationship counselling and marriage counselling?
Marriage counselling is often something couples do together to work through challenges, improve communication, have a safe place to discuss difficult topics, reignite the spark, deepen their connection, intimacy and passion. Some couples do premarital counselling to see if they are on the same page before tying the knot.
Relationship counselling is where one person (sometimes both partners) works on themselves to either address a specific issue, transform stressors or to learn specific skills to enhance their relationships. The skills could be coping strategies, fighting smart tips, intimacy/passion/connection processes to deepen their relationship.
Other times people do relationship counselling to work on different types of relationships in their life for example, relationships with their child, mother, father, sibling or friend. All sessions are directly targeted to the individual's desired outcome and how they wish to feel by the end of the session.
What if only one person in the relationship is wanting or willing to receive counselling?
One person engaging in counselling will help change the relationship. If your partner or spouse is not ready to participate in counselling that is ok.
Starting yourself will help you be in a good mental space and learn strategies to assist your relationship to succeed. I have worked one on one with one person in the relationship many, many times and it has helped tremendously. That person was able to take the strategies/tips back and apply them together at home with their partners.
Do both partners need to participate in the counselling sessions to get a benefit?
No, one person participating will assist in creating change in your relationship.
Where do you find a relationship counsellor?
Check out this link to relationship counselling sessions with a fully qualified and experience relationship counsellor.
Does relationship counselling focus on improving communication between two people?
Definitely, communication is a cornerstone to successful relationships!
It is so important to ensure we are communicating based on our partner's love language. There are 5 different love languages, words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, gifts and acts of kindness.
For example, you might tell them they look amazing daily but the way your partner may feel and receive love is through quality time. Then the compliments won’t mean as much as their primary love is spending time together.
Take the love languages quiz here to find out which which primary love language you and your partner have. Click here for the quiz.
There are many other communication methods we focus on in counselling such as pre-framing conversations to set them up for success along with Imago dialogue process which is a process we use in relationship therapy.
The creators of Imago, Helen LaKelly Hunt, Ph.D. and Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. discuss with Marie Forleo the power of Imago dialogue process here.
The love or safe bubble conversations are imperative to bring up difficult conversations and set up a safe space for sharing.
Being vulnerable and communicating from your heart is something else that is essential to work on and can be a barrier for a lot of people as they are not used to sharing so honestly and authentically but this is what creates deep and intimate relationships. Check out Brene Brown's famous Ted talk about the Power of Vulnerability.
How do I help my partner feel loved?
Ask them, this is one of the best ways to go about it. Communication is key and asking what they want and what they do and don’t like is very important. Make sure you are asking with love, kindness and gentleness. For example, I was wondering what thing I do or say tells you that I love you the most?
Conversations that are open and honest are very crucial to ensuring you know and understand your lovers wants and needs.
Also, love languages are crucial here too…
We need to communicate based on our partner's love language. There are 5 different love languages, words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, gifts and acts of kindness.
For instance, you might tell them they look amazing daily but the way your partner may feel and receive love is through quality time. Then the compliments won’t mean as much if their primary love is spending time together.
Take the love languages quiz here to find out which which primary love language you and your partner have.
Does relationship counselling work on connecting more deeply with your partner?
Definitely, connection is gold in relationships and it is important to regularly connect with your partner. The more connected you both are the more flow you both have together in your relationship and less arguments are likely to happen.
Eye gazing is one strategy to deepen the connection in your relationship. It is a powerful strategy that connects you both on many levels, breaks down the invisible walls you may put up and helps you see each other on a soul level and may assist you to forgive more easily.
We are experiencing financial stress as a couple. Is this something that can be addressed in relationship counselling?
Yes, a source of stress for many couples is managing money. I look at this from many angles I work to address the underlying causes, transform the stress/anxiety or worry around finances and then work on the practical solutions you can both implement to stay on track with your finances, have money goals that light you both up, have monthly financial check ins that are sexy and fun (yes you heard that right fun! Not just boring and sleepy, you’ll actually look forward to these).
Does relationship counselling address family issues such as in laws or blended families?
Definitely, this is another area that is of contention for couples, we explore healthy boundary setting, open and honest communication, clear planning and solutions. This is often a complex and involved scenarios and with each relationship I take the approach that will help that particular couple move forward the most. It is not a one size fits all approach however, check out this article to start understanding what different boundaries are and how you can set them.
Do you get the same result in person as online?
Absolutely! There is no difference in the results my clients have. The sessions are face to face via video chat which means it's just like being in person.
If you have more relationship questions you would like answered in addition to this guide,
Laura xxx
P.S. Check out my relationship counselling sessions where I have help countless couple get the results they wanted in their relationship from improved communication and building back trust.
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